I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
