if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
