i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
