I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
