I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
