is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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