Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
