Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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