you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wear drunk well.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
