Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
