I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
