just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The Olympian is in my bed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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