Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
