I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
