when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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