Porn is love you can see.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
