Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
