We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
