I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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