ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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