Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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