I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
