Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
