My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
