I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
