My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
