We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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