Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
