he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
