Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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