i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
