When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
