im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
