I just threw up on my dentist
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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