and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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