You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
