The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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