I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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