If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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