i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
