Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
