that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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