woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
