Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
don't judge my taste in strippers
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
