clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
