Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
