just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
