no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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