letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
