im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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