I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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