i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
