If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
