I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
