Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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