we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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