so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
