How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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