I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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