Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my poor anus
I could fuck to npr.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
